This week's joke

Now that we are on the gay subject...  again...:-*

This boy comes back from school crying not stop.

His father asks him "whats wrong?"

Boy - "the boys at school is calling me a gay and a faggot"

Father - "next time they call you gay and faggot you should hit them with your fists!"

Boy - " No! I cant hit them, they are too cute..."

:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*


Hero member
If you're gunna shoot something, it may as well be one of these:-




Hero member
Lympne, Kent. UK
Big brave boys shooting that defenceless Porsche!
Not very good shots some of them.

A good wind-up would be to turn up in the middle of all that and say 'hey! That's my car'.


Hero member
2 mayor things wrong there! can't shoot worth shit and uses the wrong target.

Something like a cheesy ghetto copy of a Bently aka Chrysler 300 would have been the ideal object.
Pile the interior up with (c)rap CD's and let someone experienced use a 50 cal. :D


Paul LeClair

Staff member
shooting the Porsche, bloody hell.....

a quote from one of the particpants  "I just wanted to destroy something beautiful"

sad, very sad  :(


Hero member
I wonder if the owner would have had to pay over $16K to fix the problems if he would have complained to Porsche in Zuffenhausen directly. Probably not!

Tossing pearls in front of swines happened here!


Hero member
Life after death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the
other if there was sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no
after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:


"Is that you, George?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful!? What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's
off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then
sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of
greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the
rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then
it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much-needed sleep and then
the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, George, are you in Heaven?"

"No......I'm a rabbit in Kansas."


Hero member
Madrid, Spain
Management Lesson no.2

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized, "Sorry sister, but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Hero member
Cars and Computer Technology...

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'

In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:

If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........Twice a day.

2.. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3... Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.

I love the next one!!!

7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

PS - I 'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call 'customer service' in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself!!!!

As he's driving home, Fred sees an old Navajo indian sitting on the side of the road.
Stopping, he asks the old Indian if he would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, he gets into the car.
Resuming the journey, Fred tries - in vain - to make a bit of small talk with
the man. Then the Indian notices a brown bag on the seat next to
"What in bag?" asks the old man slowly.
Fred said: "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."
The Navajo man was silent for a moment or two. Then, speaking with
the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said: "Good trade"


Hero member
Madrid, Spain
Unfortunate Website Addresses

All of the following are, or at least were, legitimate companies that didn't spend quite enough time considering how their on-line names might appear - and be misread! These are not made up

1.. "Who Represents" is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their website is www.whorepresents(dot)com.

2 . "Experts Exchange" is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at www.expertsexchange(dot)com.

3.. Looking for a pen? Look no further than " Pen Island " at www.penisland(dot)net.

4.. Need a therapist? Try "Therapist Finder" at www.therapistfinder(dot)com.

5.. There's the "Italian Power Generator Company" at www.powergenitalia(dot)com

6.. And don't forget the "Mole Station Native Nursery" in New South Wales, Australia, www.molestationnursery(dot)com.

7.. If you're looking for IP computer software, there's always

8.. The "First Cumming Methodist Church " Web site is www.cummingfirst(dot)com.

9.. And, finally, the designers at "Speed of Art" await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart(dot)com.


Hero member
Madrid, Spain
Management Course
Lesson 3

A sales representative, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales representative. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Hero member
Just watching one of my favourite movies now that it's too freaking cold (<10C) to work in the garage. So try and guess which movie this line is from:-

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here, this is the war room!"